Living on Concrete

Today has been a huge improvement upon yesterday.  It was awesome waking up this morning with a three day weekend to look forward to.  And honestly, yesterday wasn't terrible, although I know it may have come across that way.  I was just being your typical over-emotional female, but I'm over it now.  Work was crazy-busy, mainly because I'm losing all of my prep periods due to the Top Turkey competition.  We also had a renaissance rally, which always adds chaos to an otherwise normal day.  I was part of a "flash mob," in which we surprised the students with a short dance.  It was only about a minute long, but it was pretty funny.  My students couldn't believe it when their own teacher was suddenly in a crowd of thirty people, doing a synchronized dance (we rehearsed it the week before).  It was like being in a scene from a bad musical.    

Last night we went over to Becky's house for small group and had our usual fun.  Becky made a delicious potato cheese soup that has me feeling inspired to try cooking up some soups myself.  I absolutely love soup in winter--I literally crave it every day.  That and hot tea.  Clint's sister (Moo) bought me some cinnamon tea for my birthday--the really good stuff--and it is so delicious.  Soup, hot tea, and bubble baths...those are the things about winter I love the most.  Well that, and Christmas.

Today I got to see Jewls!  It was very last minute.  Jewls had texted me yesterday letting me know that she was going to be in the desert, and wanted to know if I wanted to meet up with her.  Unfortunately I didn't have my phone on me and didn't get her message until late this morning, but we still managed to pull together a visit.  We met at a mutual friend's house who happens to live less than five minutes away from me.  It was so awesome to see her!  We all just hung out and chit-chatted, and I discovered that cranberry-apple juice mixed with sangria is insanely delicious.  I also got to cuddle with Seth again.  Damn I love that kid.  My only complaint about our visit is I had to leave much earlier than I actually wanted.  But as I drove home, I told myself that two hours was a whole lot better than nothing at all; especially since I woke up this morning having no clue I'd get even that much.

When I got home, Clint had stripped all the carpet out of our living room and hallway.  We've been installing new flooring (this was my birthday present), and as of now, Elijah's room and the office are done.  Now we're finally on the main part of the house, which means about two weeks of living on concrete.  Oh, we also repainted our office last week.  Clint wanted "Asian", so I came up with the color scheme, but the colors came out much bolder than I had envisioned in my head.  As I was painting the walls, I was thinking, "Crap, this is going to end up looking like ketchup and mustard walls."  And even though that might have been partially true, it all came together in the end, and now I really love this little room.  In person, it is so warm and cheery.  Here are some pics:

Admittedly the desk is still pretty cluttered...

 

 The new floors (they look better in person--camera dulled them out)

It's sort of fun living on concrete right now.  It feels like we're staying in a house that's still under construction.  When I was a little girl, my grandparents built their house from scratch, and Shannon and I used to live with them on the weekends.  We'd all sleep in their motor home, which they had parked on their lot.  At one point, the house was finally dry-walled, and we actually were able to stay inside the house.  I remember my grandpa used to barbecue our dinner right in the living room, over the concrete.  And we would watch TV...on the concrete.  Shan and I also used to tear through the entire house on our Big Wheels (remember those?).  Living on concrete right now reminds me of those happy days.  The only downfall is I'm stuck wearing slippers everywhere I walk, because the ground is so cold.

Saying Goodbye

I have a ton of stuff I want to write about, but this particular entry I'm going to dedicate to Matt.  Matt has officially moved to Northern California, and in two short months, Alana will follow.  They came over Friday night so Matt could say goodbye.  The four of us ended up sitting outside until 2:00 a.m., next to the pond and the chimnea, gazing at the sky and talking about whether the stars we were looking at were actually still there or not, and philosophizing about other big, important things (I think).  And Matt and I did push-ups on the lawn.  Not quite sure how that came about.  This might be a good time to mention that wine was involved.  At any rate, it was hard to say goodbye.  Both Clint and Alana often joke about how Matt is my male counterpart (or I'm his female counterpart, whichever).  While Clint and Alana are more level-headed and responsible, Matt and I are more spontaneous and childish.  Clint and Alana exercise good judgment and can always be counted on; Matt and I don't always think things out completely before proceeding.  Now this isn't always true, but it is occasionally true.  The thing with Matt is he makes me feel like a little kid again.  He embraces life, and when you're with him, it's contagious.  I still remember when we were camping, at one point we started to get bored, and out of nowhere, Matt blurts out, "Hey, let's play hide-and-seek!"  So we did, for about an hour; adults and kids alike, and it was the most kick-ass game of hide-and-seek ever.  I remember hiding in the creek, and the spine-tingling chill I felt when the "seeker" started to get close, and the adrenaline rush of trying to make it to home base (a rock the size of a car), and the sensation of rocks and twigs tearing at my bare feet (seriously, why the hell don't I wear shoes once in awhile?).  The point is, I need this in my life.  My job is so heavy that there are times when it feels crushing, and I need the catharsis of playing hide-and-seek, or jumping in an icy river in November, or climbing a tree in the middle of the night, or doing push-ups in the dark on the wet lawn, or whatever.  Being crazy or stupid once in awhile is therapy for me.  It prevents me from taking life too seriously, and I come back to my responsibilities as a wife, teacher, and mother feeling so much more rejuvenated. 

Of course we will visit Matt and Alana, and they will visit us.  They've become family to us, and distance is not going to change that.  But with Matt now living so far away, I no longer have my partner in crime.  Plus there will be no more trips to the hot springs, no more silly games of Taboo, no more chips and salsa, no more birthday parties, no more late night conversations....

When Matt and Alana left on Friday night, Matt gave me a hug in the driveway and said "I'm going to miss the hell out of you Jodi."  Best words he could have left me with.  Ditto that, Matt.  I'm going to miss the hell out of you, too.

Oh, and just for posterity....

You know you're going to miss us.  ;-)

P.S.  I shudder to think about the sob-fest that awaits my poor blog in December when Alana leaves too.

Heart Tattoos and Throwing Stuff

Tonight was our small group meeting, but due to busy summer schedules and the fact that none of us made it to the church service this weekend, we decided to play games instead of doing an actual Bible study.  After eating dinner, we played Taboo.  Before beginning the game, we drew for partners; Clint ended up partnered with Steve, Matt with Alana, and me with Becky.  Becky is competitive, plus very expressive and patient with giving clues, so we made a great match and ultimately won the game.  But the part of the game that stands out the most was when Steve was trying to get Clint to guess the clue "records" (I think).  Steve prompted, "A doctor might look up your---" and Clint immediately exclaimed "Colon!"  Everyone was like, "Wow Clint, your last doctor's appointment must have sucked."

Becky had to leave right before 8:00, so at that point we quit the game and moved into the living room to chat.  We somehow got into a conversation about tattoos.  Every one of us has at least one tattoo, with each one including a background story (except for mine. Mine's boring and has no significance).  So Matt was sharing with us one of his tattoos: a tribal-looking image on his upper-back (a past drunken mistake).  While emphasizing the randomness of that particular tattoo, Alana chimes in with the fact that the image even has a heart in the middle.  At this point, Matt's entire face lights up with surprise, and he exclaims, "What?  There's a heart?!"  and takes off for the bathroom.  We all just exploded with laughter.  He had no idea that his tattoo contained the shape of a heart in the center, and the expression on his face was priceless.  Eventually he came back into the living room, and Steve took a nice close-up picture of it with his cell phone so that Matt could see it clearly.  Meanwhile, we were all crying with laughter.  Needless to say, Matt decided that he will be getting his precious little heart tattoo covered when he can; possibly with an eagle.  I personally think he should keep the heart.  It's much more entertaining.

After we recovered from the whole tattoo ordeal, we eventually found ourselves talking about the stuff we have thrown at our spouses through the course of our marriages.  Between all of us, we have thrown everything from remote controls to mealworms to acoustic guitars (sorry, that one was actually "lightly kicked", according to said-person, not thrown).  The whole conversation was so damn comical.  I don't know exactly when we stopped sugar-coating our lives to each other, but it makes for some interesting conversations.  Seriously, my small group is full of a bunch of crazies.  No wonder we get along so well.

Summer Plugging Along

I'm trying to squeeze in a quick post tonight, because I won't be able to write again until Monday.

This week has been a blur so far. On Sunday, Shannon came over to have Clint dye her hair. I don't know if I've mentioned this in the past, but my husband is like the family's hairdresser. He's a pro at highlighting and/or dying hair, and of course he refuses to use the boxed-stuff from the store. He actually goes to a beauty-supplier to get the professional developers and creams that the salons use. So Shannon drives down to our house about once a month now to have Clint freshen up her highlights. As a thank you, she brings everyone dinner. It's awesome. The last time she was here, we played Just Dance while her hair was developing. It was funny, because she was dancing with all of these chunks of foil bouncing around on her head. This time, we didn't dance, but we did talk, a LOT. No surprise there.

Clint was off on Monday, and since the kids were in Vegas with his parents, we decided to go to the movies. Of all the grown-up movies we could finally watch, what do we end up choosing? Kung-Fu Panda 2. For the second time. I can't help it...that cartoon is beyond awesome. But to be fair, we actually watched it in 3D the second time around (which didn't really add anything to the overall experience, in my opinion, other than jacking up the cost of our tickets). That night we had Small Group at Matt and Alana's. It was fun, as usual, and over way too soon for someone who is now staying up way too late.

Yesterday, with the kids still away, Clint came home from work and we decided to go on a date. We treated ourselves to an overpriced Italian restaurant, and actually sat there for nearly two hours, talking. It was nice. Unfortunately that night I couldn't sleep, so I finally got up a 3:00 a.m. and sat in the office, writing. It was the best bout of insomnia ever, because I ended up writing nearly an entire chapter of my manuscript. When Clint's alarm went off at 4:45 this morning, I was still burning the midnight oil (so to speak). He crawled out of bed and I hollered "Hi babe!" I was feeling so chipper at getting a chapter "almost" written. He, on the other hand, asked, "Have you been up ALL night?!" and talked me into going back to bed. I crashed shortly after 5:00 a.m., and slept until about 9ish this morning. I feel tired now, but not extraordinarily tired. I think I am really starting to make my peace with these little bouts of insomnia.

Today I spent the day doing laundry, typing up my chapter (since I had hand-written the stupid thing) and working in the RV. I cleaned the counters, dusted, moved in some blankets and pillows, and filled the cabinets with DVDs and games. The kids finally came home from their trip around 5:00 this evening, and we sat in the RV, watching "Tangled" on our new, itty-bitty flat screen. Clint thought it was funny that we were all enjoying some media time in the tiny confines of the RV, instead of taking advantage of the big screen inside the house.

Tomorrow I have some shopping to do to get ready for our trip, and then Friday morning, we're off to Soledad Canyon to try out the RV. Crossing my fingers that everything runs smoothly!

Mary Had a Little Weedwacker

No time for a "real" post, but here's some quick rambling:

We got a lamb today! Her name is Lily. She is soooo cute. We pretty much bought her as a glorified weed-wacker. The dogs just adore her. They follow her around everywhere, and then she turns around and follows them everywhere. If they leave her alone for more than a few minutes, she baaahs unhappily and goes to find them.

Yesterday I finished reading my fourth novel from the Bookworm Challenge. I think I might actually stand a chance of conquering my list this year. Now writing the reviews, that's a completely different story. If I decide to actually write them, they'll probably be special, "one-word" reviews. As in, this book was "awesome," or "mediocre," or "sucked royally" (I might have to bump it up to "two-word" reviews for some of them).

Small group on Monday night was fun!  We stayed up pretty late that night, and then I couldn't spool down afterwards, so I wound up with virtually no sleep.  But sleep-deprivation is a standard for me at least a few times a week, plus I love entertaining, so I really didn't mind at all.  Steve told us this entire story of how he and Becky met, but he did so in such a "story-teller" fashion that it was almost like listening to a light-hearted, romantic little novel, complete with the exposition, rising action, and so on. 

I haven't painted in nearly two weeks.  I miss it...a LOT...so I'm going to set everything else aside and paint some more on Friday.

Clint built a split-rail fence around our yard.  He also put in this arbor-thingie.  We still have to paint everything white this weekend to make it match the neighbor's fence (not exactly the kind of painting project I wanted to do), but once it's finished, I'll try to post a picture.  You can see part of the unpainted fence in the background above.

Well, that was all very hodgepodgy.  Goodnight.

Hubbyless Weekend

I really want to post another music video, but I'm forcing myself NOT to, lest I begin looking like some crazy, obsessed wanna-be music-video virtuoso.  So instead I'll talk about stuff.

Clint has been in San Francisco for a karate tournament, so I've been doing the single-mom thing for the last three days.  I don't mind at all.  It's fun having alone time with the kids, although I would never want to do this full-time.  Before he left, Clint stocked our freezer with TV dinners, which was very thoughtful given that I'm a hopeless cook.  But he also stocked up on eggs, knowing that I love making French toast and fried eggs on weekends since that's the one meal I can conquer with confidence.  Last night, the kids and I had our own little movie night, complete with fresh popcorn.  I didn't know how to run our popcorn machine since Clint always does it, but luckily Trin is an expert.  After movie night, the kids went to bed, and I stayed up playing "Just Dance."  I must have done around fifteen songs.  I let all three dogs in the house, and Moses kept plopping all 150lbs of his intrusive furry monstrous body on my feet while I was trying to dance, not to mention getting right up in my face.  I was laughing because the game still kept giving me "okays" on half of the moves, even though I was ferociously waving at the dog and trying to drag him out of my way instead of doing the proper movements.  It's obviously very lenient.  After all that, I collapsed on the couch with a bowl of Frosted Flakes and read "Lightning" by Dean Koontz until bedtime.

Clint doesn't return until tomorrow night, but I'm sure I'll barely notice his absence tonight since I'm refereeing Trin's birthday party.  She has her six "closest" girlfriends coming over for a spa-themed slumber party, and they will be doing manicures, pedicures, and facial masks.  I've never once been to a real spa or have had anything close to a face mask applied to my face, so the fact that females consider this "fun" is a little beyond my comprehension.  Nonetheless, we got the ingredients for the girls to make "banana bread face masks" and "pink peppermint foot glow," so Trin is all sorts of excited.  Teri is bringing over a bunch of finger foods and an adorable birthday cake featuring a hippo in a spa full of bubbles.  She also put together these amazing gift baskets full of hand-made soaps and such.  I'm so grateful to have her help, especially since my idea of a slumber party is simply movies and pizza.

This week was exhausting for the first half, and got a little easier through the latter-half.  My club finished our fundraiser and wound up giving out 1,688 heart links.  That's more than the amount of students we actually have at our school.  On Thursday night, Becky and I, along with our kids, went out to La Casita.  It was such a nice dinner!  The kids were so well-behaved, and Becky and I had a great time talking with each other.  When we left, Becky gave me a huge hug and said the sweetest words to me that I don't even want to cheapen by repeating--oh, I have to go for a sec--

Okay, a "sec" wound up being almost twelve hours.  I wrote all of the above this morning, and it's now almost 11:00 at night.  It feels so good to sit down and relax!  I currently have eight kids in my house, and I pretty much feel like whipped jello.  I just took a nice hot shower and got the girls settled down with Confessions of a Shopaholic in Trin's room, so I finally have a little alone time.  I'm going to go now though because I don't feel like spending my down-time chained to the computer.  I'd rather eat some pepperoni and read more Lightening.

Field Trip to the Magical Kingdom

Yesterday Alana and I went to Disneyland!  Technically we were there as chaperones for my club's field-trip, but it felt very unchaperonish.  Of course there was the initial loading of the bus and checking-in all of the students, but once we arrived to the park, we set the kids free and enjoyed a day to ourselves.  It was such a fun day!  First, we went on Indiana Jones, which I hadn't ridden in years.  Next, we went on Pirates of the Caribbean, followed by the Haunted Mansion.  I think.  I might be getting the order of some of these wrong.  We also visited Tom Sawyer's Island and explored some of the bridges and caves, but I can't remember if that was before or after lunch. 

At 11:something, we decided to sit down for lunch.  We went to this Mexican restaurant that had a quaint outdoor patio-area, and I ordered Mahi Mahi tacos.  It was delicious.  We sat down and talked for...a really long time.  Hours, I think.  It was probably one of the deepest discussion I've had with a friend in years.  The table next to us appreciated it too, I'm sure, since I talk way too loud.  At 1:00, students began calling my cellphone to check in.  They were required to check in between 1:00 and 2:00, and every single student was checked in by 1:12.  I love this group of kids...they are amazingly responsible for twelve- and thirteen-year-olds.

After lunch, Alana and I went on Space Mountain, the Matterhorn, Small World, and Thunder Mountain.  Again, I can't remember the order, but I do remember that Thunder Mountain was my favorite.  We rode that one at night, and the dark added to the exhilaration of the ride.  Plus the colors inside the mountain are so pretty...they remind me of the Aurora Borealis (even though I've never actually seen them before).

At dinnertime, we ordered BBQ pork sandwiches from a large deli, which we took to-go so we could find a place to squeeze in for the Fantasmic show.  Before the show began, the park lit off a bunch of fireworks.  The fireworks were beautiful, but I admit I wasn't paying much attention to them.  Alana and I were too busy talking about the crazy things that happened to her when she visited Paris ten years ago (you could make a movie out of some of her stories).  But once Fantasmic began, it had my full attention.  That show is awesome.  I'm pretty sure I was holding my breath during the part where the dragon rises up and turns the whole lake on fire.  It is so dramatic.

Once the show ended, we headed to the front of the park to meet the kids.  All students were supposed to meet by 9:45; I was there by 9:43, and all of them were already there, claiming that I was "late."  I forget that with this group, five minutes early is like being ten minutes late.  They are very punctual.  On the way back to the buses, the students all chattered happily to me about the fun day they had, each of them vying to tell me their funny stories and show me their souvenirs.  It was really cute.

The only hitch in an otherwise perfect field-trip was that, once back on campus, our last student was over a half-hour late in getting picked up.  A half hour generally isn't a big deal, but by this time it was 12:30 (midnight), and Alana and I were stuck outside in the freezing parking lot, waiting with him.  It turned out that the neighbor who was picking him up went to the wrong school.  Once I got home, I thought I might just collapse, but instead Clint and I chatted for an hour and I ate some popcorn.  I know I must have been exhausted though, because when we finally did go to bed last night, Clint wrapped himself around me like I was his body pillow, and when I woke up this morning, we were still in the same exact position.   

Today I feel happy and relieved for having pulled off a successful field trip, but physically I'm in bad shape.  My right eye is infected, and I have had uncontrollable fits of coughing for the last 15 days.  This cough began the morning after our skiing trip, and hasn't gone away since.  Thankfully it's just a cough; the rest of me feels totally fine.  But I have never had a cough like this before.  One minute I'll be doing my thing; the next minute I have these awful coughs wracking through my whole body.  The fits last for a minute or two and leave me gagging and gasping for air.  They get particularly bad in the middle of the night.  Clint looked up my symptoms online and thinks I have Whooping Cough.  He wants me to go to Urgent Care tomorrow, but I am really not a hospitaly person.  We'll see.

Completely off-topic, but it is insanely windy.  The wind has been beating up our house all day, to the point where I thought we were having an earthquake earlier.  But it made for a perfect day to cuddle indoors, watch movies, drink hot chocolate, and do a little painting.         

Dancing, Floating Rings, and Other Random Stuff

I went to turn off my computer for the night, but somehow wound up logging into blogger instead.  The kids and I just finished taking turns reading poems from Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein.  I wanted to read one of my childhood favorites, "Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout Would Not Take the Garbage Out," but it's a pretty long one, and for some reason my voice presently sounds like a bull frog wheezing its way through an asthma attack.  So instead I read "Smart," which has got to be among my top five favorites.  I just love the last line of the poem, "....And [my dad] closed his eyes and shook his head--Too proud of me to speak!"  It just makes me giggle every time.

Today was a pleasant day at work.  The weather has been so gorgeous that I decided to have students work outside the last three days.  It sort of lifts my spirits spending a day out in the sunshine, rather than stuck in a classroom all day.  The students really love the change of atmosphere, too.  Tonight I went to La Casita with Matt and Alana.  Clint is still on swing shift for Wednesdays, so unfortunately he couldn't come with us.  After dinner, Matt and Alana came to my house for a few hours, and Alana and I played "Just Dance 2" on Wii.  It was fun and quite a workout!  I think we did eight or nine songs.  I was actually really relieved that they decided to come over.  I've been in a sort of unsettled mood for the last few days, and I really needed the distraction.  Plus I actually start to get an itch to see those two after awhile.

This video bears no resemblance to anything in my life right now, I just think it's a pretty song.  Plus I like it that he's looking at paintings.  Although personally, when I sing in the shower, I'm usually much happier.

Aren't music videos stange?  Sometimes I wonder what the heck the producers were thinking when they created that particular imagery to go with those particular lyrics.  A great example is the song "Just a Dream" by Nelly.  I love the song, but did they really have to include a giant floating ring in the video?  I get it that they were going for the symbolism, but symbols should be subtle--something you have to search for.  Not a Mount Everest-sized monstrosity right in your face.  It's almost an insult to the viewer, like you might not "get it" if they don't announce it with blaring trumpets.  Oh, and what's up with the floating car?  I guess it's only "just a dream," so I shouldn't be questioning it.  I had a dream the other night that I was painting a portrait of a woman using crunchy peanut butter, so I'm really one to talk.

Oh hell, now I have to include Nelly's video too, just because I spent so much time talking about it.  I really do think it's a sweet song.

Hot Springs Hike--Pictoral Version

I'm beginning to think I'll never get around to writing a real post on our awesome hike last week, so here is a stream of pictures.

Me and Clint

Clint, Matt, and I on the bridge

 Matt and Alana

 Matt on top of the world

 Alana and me on the beach (can you believe the Hot Springs has a beach?)

 Hiking through the brush

Crossing the stream

We met a new friend along the way, but he looked a little stoned.

 The hot spring we relaxed in was right at the foot of this river.

 The sky was a piercing blue all day.  This friendly pilot waved at us as he flew by.

  I wonder if he was chuckling at the naked people (but for the record, WE were wearing swimsuits).

I just think Alana looks gorgeous in this picture.

I have many beyond this, but blogger doesn't have a user-friendly way to display pictures in bulk, so I'm going to leave it at these.  I wish I had pictures of the springs themselves, but we had left our cameras safely tucked away on the beach while we relaxed in the springs (there's not really a safe place to store a camera in a bikini).  There were several different hot pools to choose from, and I still remember that delicious feeling of sinking into that perfect little pool right in front of the river and feeling utterly awe-struck that I was in a bathwater-warm jacuzzi right in the middle of the desert...in February.  But the highlight of the day for me was a tie between three things:  1.  Jumping into the icy river, 2. Realizing that I had been talking to an old naked man for about ten minutes and had forgotten that he was naked, and 3. Going to dinner at La Casita afterwards.  The third one was probably the most amusing to me, because for some reason Matt was dead-set against any of us "freshening up" (even though we had to stop at our houses first anyway because Alana needed to grab her wallet and Clint needed to change his painful shoes).  So we were one sorry-looking party when we walked into that restaurant.  And unfortunately our sense of class matched our hillbilly appearance; we were so ravishingly starving (13 miles of hiking works up an appetite that trail mix just doesn't quite satiate); we wound up eating five or six baskets of chips before cleaning off our dinner plates.  I really felt sorry for our waiter; we were a tough table to keep up with.

For being a "pictoral" version, this sure included a lot of words.  Wow, I just can't shut-up ever.

Hot Springs Hike--Abridged Version

Yesterday was amazing!  Sometime this week I'll write a more detailed post about it (and put up some pictures), but I am just so worn out, I think I'll stick with a quick summary for now.  Yesterday we hiked to the hot springs with Matt and Alana, and it was more beautiful than I could have ever imagined.  The hike itself was six-and-a-half miles into the canyon.  We left at 7:15 a.m. and reached the hot springs sometime around 10:00.  Once there, we soaked in nature's jacuzzi until about 2:15 in the afternoon.  We hiked the six-and-a-half miles back out of the canyon, and finished our day by going to La Casita for dinner.  Today I'm left with throbbing legs, wobbly knees, a hell-of-a- sunburn, and a big goofy smile plastered on my face from such a great day.  Oh, and I have a picture of a naked man blowing bubbles.  I tried to snap the photo from the backside, but he turned around at the last second, and the camera went click.  Oops. 

Hyper Day

Three day weekend--YES!  I was really hyper at work today.  I think I might be high on Airborn.  Many of the teachers at my work have been sick this week (not to mention Clint and the kids), so when I came to work on Monday with a little bit of a sniffle, Ms. Tilli sent Airborn and a bottle of water to my classroom.  I didn't ask for any, but she's like the mama hen of our family of teachers, taking care of everyone.  I had never tried Airborn before (I'm not much in the way of medicines; I prefer to let my body's immune system do its own kick-ass job), but since it is made from herbs and plant extracts, I decided to give it a try.  On Tuesday, Tilli sent more Airborn my way, and by yesterday, I had bought my own.  I've ingested this stuff for four days now, and I'm sure it's just a coincidence, but I am still not even remotely sick.  Whatever I "started" to come down with never fully materialized.  So I think I might forever be a fan of Airborn, even if it was probably just some psychological placebo.  At any rate, I woke up this morning feeling ridiculously hyper.  I watched the news for the first half hour, but it was so mellow that I finally turned it off and cranked on some music.  I did the typical dancing in front of the mirror while curling my hair...and I may or may not have used my curling iron as a microphone.

At work, I invented a crazy spelling game that involved a big circle, a mush pot, and taking your friends down with you if you get caught.  It had some very jacked up, unfair rules that I was making up along the way, and was hysterically fun.  The kids and I were laughing so hard all the way until the bell rang.  After work, I came home, ate a Californian Omelet, and watched Three Men and a Baby on Netflix with the kids (I love getting to relive all of the cheesy flicks from the '80s).  After the movie, Clint and I worked out, and now my stomach is sore.

I am really looking forward to this weekend.  I have a heap of persuasive essays to grade, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to shove those aside in lieu of enjoying the spring-like weather we are supposed to have this weekend.  On Saturday we are going hiking with Matt and Alana to the Hot Springs.  It's a 6-mile hike up (12 miles round trip), so it will pretty much be an all day thing.  The area we are hiking to is gorgeous (some sites actually rate it number one as far as hot springs in California), so really the only downfall is that visitors there have a tendency to not wear clothes.  Yep, that's right.  They're naked.  Apparently the water's almost perfect temperature (averaging 105 degrees F.) is much more enjoyable when you're al' natural.  I figure though since I'm going with Bible study friends and all, maybe I ought to keep my clothes on.  ;-)

1/11/11

I'm pretty drowsy for blogging right now (crummy sleep last night), but all of those "1s" on today's date were just too appealing to pass up.  We also had a series of ones on New Year's Day (1/1/11), and we'll have two more in November: 11/1/11, and 11/11/11.  You know your life is sad when you're excited about repetitive numbers.  But it does remind me of the time my car reached 77,777 miles and the temperature happened to be exactly 77 degrees (captured on camera), for a total of seven sevens.  Even though it was a simple coincidence, at that time, seeing all of those sevens in a row actually made me tingle a little.  Should've bought a lotto ticket.

But enough about tingle-inducing numbers.  I started back to work yesterday, which I thought was going to be rough after having three weeks off, but it actually felt great to slide back into my normal routine. I really missed my students this time.  They seemed so excited to see me yesterday, which made it really difficult to pine for break.  The only downfall is I'm still trying to coerce my stubborn brain into a healthy sleeping schedule, rather than the swing shift it wants to be on right now.  After work yesterday, we went to our small group meeting, which was at Becky's and Steve's house.  They moved recently, and I really love their new house.  It's very open and inviting.  Becky made the most delicious chicken tacos I've ever eaten.  I don't know what she did to that chicken, but my stomach growls in longing just thinking about it.

I sketched out another drawing and am so excited to plaster on some paint!  Unfortunately I don't think I will have time to paint it until this weekend.  Compared to the last painting, this one is much more complex and detailed and complicated and difficult and advanced....Okay, it's another stupid tree.  But still...

Mom's Gravy and Knott's

This is going to be a short post because I need to go work out and then go eat some tacos.  Earlier this week, we had a Thanksgiving-themed small group at our house.  It was my and Clint's very first time cooking a turkey, so that's one way-overdue milestone that we can officially cross off our list.  Clint pretty much took over with the turkey preparations though, so honestly I didn't contribute much.  But I did make homemade country gravy for the first time ever, without using a recipe.  I just remember as a kid, my mom used to make white gravy by combining turkey drippings with milk, flour, and black pepper.  I tried to follow this "memory" recipe as best as I could, but once finished, the gravy tasted a little plain.  That's when I remembered that Mom sometimes used to add a dash of Tabasco sauce into the gravy to give it a kick.  We didn't have any Tabasco, so I sprinkled some hot chili juice in it instead.  After that, it tasted good.  I do realize I'm going on and on about the gravy, but I am not exactly a Chef Ramsey, so making anything that is somewhat palatable is always a thrill.  Clint's turkey came out juicy and delicious, and with the food brought by everyone else, it was a great meal.  Once we were all seated at the table, Becky suggested that each person at the table share something that they were thankful for, to which we all loudly groaned.  But we did, and some of the things shared at that table actually made my eyes mist up a little because they were so touching.  That's the one thing I love about Becky; she is always the one to pull us out of our comfort zones, and ultimately, we're always glad we played along. 

Matt and Alana wound up staying until after 11:00 that night, and because I was still amped up when they left, I wound up not sleeping.  I'm all caught up on sleep now though, which is good, because this is my last very busy week of dealing with the Top Turkey competition before Thanksgiving break.  This Friday, I'm going on a field trip with our AVID students to Knott's Berry Farm.  We will be leaving for this trip after school at 3:00 p.m., and returning at 3:00 a.m.  I love amusement parks at night, so the hours actually excite me more than anything else, but I do wish I didn't have to get up at 6:00 that morning.  By the time we arrive back to my school's parking lot, I will have been up for 22 hours.  And this doesn't count the time that I may have to wait for stray students to get picked up by parents who have fallen asleep on their couches.  These logistics don't bother me too much though.  I'm still very excited.  I'm just going to pump my body up with caffeine all night.

So much for my short post.    

Moses's Attempted Carjacking

I'm feeling all mushy and sentimental right now.  I need to stop listening to pretty music and go to bed, but I'm still waiting to feel tired.  This could take awhile.

This week has been busy!  Monday night we had small group at Matt and Alana's, which was a lot of fun, although our focus for our discussion that evening was pretty heavy and left me feeling a little disturbed.  It was leaning toward the whole "Where you go when you die" issue, and even as a Christian, I just don't enjoy 'going there'.  But we ended the night on a high note by staying for an hour after small group had ended, chatting with Matt and Alana while enjoying some hot tea.  Wednesday night Mike and Angie came over for dinner and a movie.  Clint made enchiladas and we watched "Date Night," which turned out to be pretty cute.  The kids played in Trin's room the entire time, so ironically the whole evening did wind up feeling like a double-date of sorts.  It was very relaxing and fun.

Friday I conquered our new evil gradebook program, turned my first quarter grades in ahead of schedule, and have been enjoying the three day weekend ever since...although we did have a little incident with Moses.  Friday night Clint went to take the dogs for a quick Jeep-ride around the block (long story) while I waited in the yard. When he turned back onto our street about a block from our home, Moses jumped out of the Jeep.  It was pitch black, so the poor dog just sort of disappeared into the dark.  While Clint situated the Jeep into the backyard, the kids and I stood out on the street, yelling for Moses to come.  I finally could see him in the distance, turning the corner and running toward home.  But suddenly a red car passed, and my heart sank a little because I knew that the driver probably wouldn't be able to see our dog.  I started running like a crazy person, hollering for Moses to get out of the street, which really made no sense because the stupid dog doesn't understand a word I'm saying, but it felt right at the moment.  Luckily the driver came screeching to a stop in the nick of time...maybe she saw the crazy person in her rear-view mirror.  When she opened her door to check on Moses, he immediately jumped into her car and into the backseat, where her teenage son was texting and apparently oblivious to the fact that a 140lbs. dog was now drooling on him.  I managed to drag Moses out of her vehicle and about twenty feet down the road, but then he got loose, tore straight for the woman's car, and jumped into her backseat again.  At this point the woman announced that she worked for animal control (no, the irony here doesn't escape me) and pulled out a big leash.  I started to tell her that our dog was licensed and all that stuff, but then I realized she just wanted to help me get him home.  So we clipped the leash on him and managed to drag him back to the house.  When we walked up the driveway (my bare feet now scraped raw from asphalt), Clint casually sauntered out of the backyard.  I'm pretty sure that my hands were on my hips and my voice was full of mock-attitude as I asked him, "Where the hell have you been?"

Finally starting to feel tired-yay!  Apparently giving a play-by-play of my week is enough to bore me into tiredness.  But before I go to bed, here's the culprit:

Cheater Cheater, People Eaters

Clint and I are playing Quiddler right now and he is totally cheating.  He went to some sort of Scrabble website to look up words that begin with "qu," and came up with "query."  Cheater!  Oh, it's my turn now...be right back... 

Haha!  I love karma!  On the last round, I won the game by nine points because I pulled out a word that normally would have never occurred to me.  Which word, you ask?  Query!  Yeah baby, that's what I'm talking about!  Cheaters never prosper.  Well, unless they're poiliticians.  Or just regular Joe-Schmoes that get away with it.  Now that I think about it, that's a stupid expression. 

This week has been a great week, although for the life of me I can't think of what I did.  I know we went to Dan's and Felisa's for small group on Monday, which was fun, as always.  The discussions in our group are getting deeper and deeper every time we meet, and I love that.  I love it that I have a group of grown-ups who I can delve into difficult topics with and bounce ideas from.  But it's not all just "heavy" stuff; we laugh a lot too.  Especially when the women start throwing their men under the bus about their bad driving and such...poor guys.  You know if they tried to turn around and do the same thing to us, we'd have them by their cajones by the time they got home.  Ahhh, love...such a double standard.

Today we went with Mike and Amanda to see Eclipse.  Since social networking sites are bombarded with excited quibbling about the latest Twilight installment, I won't torture anyone with a long-winded review of the movie.  But I will say that it followed the book closely, and I really enjoyed it. 

We have set a camping date with Matt and Alana!  We're going to Lake Gregory the 20th-22nd.  My sister is going to crack up when she reads this, since she lives there.  We were originally planning to camp somewhere further away, but every place we could think of was already booked. Since it is so beautiful up in the mountains, we decided that camping there for a couple of days would still be a great break from the desert.  I am really going to have to resist the temptation of sneaking in my sis's house though to steal a quick shower or an extra pillow.  Who exactly said that roughin' it has to be rough?  ;-) 

One final thing: I did NOT make up today's blog title.  I asked Clint what I should title this entry, and that's what he came up with.  I didn't get the whole "people eaters" part of it, but he said it's because we watched a movie about vampires today.  I think that's a HUGE stretch, but we're in a hurry to start "movie night," so I'll change it later.

Home

I just got home from Small Group, and as usual, instead of curling up in bed, I'm all amped up on chocolate cake, caffeine, and awesome conversations. I can't describe it--there is just something so therapeutic about talking to the girls in my small group. It's just the one atmosphere where I feel like everyone is being their pure selves. We laugh with each other, get teary-eyed from time to time, share our triumphs and our failures.

It occurred to me yesterday how much moving to this new house has changed our lives. If Clint and I had stayed in Silverlakes, not only would I still be making that long drive to work, but we would still be living far away from Clint's parents, who have become such an integral part of my kids' lives. But there's even more than that. A couple of years ago, Clint was having health issues, to the point where he was going to the emergency room on a nearly biweekly basis due to panic attacks and chest pains. At that time, the doctor told Clint that if he didn't get serious about his health, he would be a likely candidate for a heart attack in a decade or so. It wasn't until we moved into our new house that we discovered the dojo only a couple blocks away, and on an impulse, Clint decided to join kickboxing. Clint's blossoming interest in kickboxing last year consumed his free time, and without a second thought he gave up his addiction to World of Warcraft without ever looking back. He has not been on the game ONCE since we moved, which not only speaks volumes if you know anything about the addictive quality of that game, but has seriously changed Clint's life. He has replaced what used to be hours upon hours of sitting with activities that require moving around. Even when he's not kickboxing, he's constantly on his feet, tinkering with something. The most pronounced testament to all of this though occurred three days ago. Clint went to the doctor's for a physical, and although he is still not at his ideal weight, for the first time in his life, he has low--not medium, but LOW--blood pressure, and he is as healthy as a horse. All because of a chain of events that was initiated by our move.

But the most meaningful thing to me that stands out about moving is our small group. When we were in escrow for our house, we went to this event at our church called "The Gathering," and that was where we proceeded to meet three other couples who would eventually become amongst the closest friends I've ever had. I still remember that when we first arrived, a lady asked us what table we wanted to sit at, and we figured that being thirty years old, we were too old for the "young married couple" table, so we just headed for the regular "married couple" table. We were about half way there when we changed our minds at the last second, and made a U-Turn for the young married table. It turned out that, with the exception of Matt and Alana, everyone at that table was actually our age or older. I guess thirty is still "young." Anyway, for the next several weeks of the Gathering (which was just a series of fun dinners, get-to-know-you activities, etc.), Clint and I had to drive all the way from Silverlakes. But we told ourselves it was worth it, because we knew as soon as escrow closed on our home, the situation would change. One thing led to another and the eight of us at that table formed a small group that has met every-other week for nearly a year-and-a-half now. We also do the occasional outing with the group as well; we went to Huntington Beach last summer, we went geocaching with Matt and Alana, and now we're planning a camping trip. This group has come to mean so much to me, and we would have never made these friendships if we had stayed in that house in Silverlakes.

I honestly think that things happen for a reason. If we hadn't have moved, the kids wouldn't be reaping the physical benefits of being in karate, they wouldn't be attending Kingston with its wonderful GATE program, Trinity wouldn't have her "best friends in the world" that spend the night over summers, I would live too far away to EVER see my sis, Teri couldn't just drop by unannounced (which, believe it or not, is something that I actually like), I couldn't just drop by my classroom to pick up something that I forgot, and the list goes on and on. These are all little things of course, but they add up. When we lived in Silverlakes, I used to optimistically convince myself that it was a great place to live. But it's different here. I don't have to convince myself of anything. There is this feeling of conviction that we are exactly where we are supposed to be, that this is home.

"I love you so much honey...hey, will you try this poisoned nacho for me?"

It is way too late for me to be blogging! I can't seem to wind down. Plus I just got out of the shower so my hair is dripping wet, and I can never seem to sleep well with wet hair. My shower, by the way, was really crummy. We were completely out of shampoo (but of course I wasn't aware of that fact until I went to use it), so I ended up having to fill the empty bottle up with water and just dump it on my head. Then I tried to lather my hair as hard as possible to get some suds to form, but all I got was a teeny-tiny bit of foam, so I'm pretty sure my hair is going to be dirty tomorrow. Nothing like going to sleep with wet, dirty hair. At least it's conditioned. =)

Tonight was supposed to be our Small Group, but two of our couples cancelled, so it was just us and Matt and Alana. Since it was only the four of us, we decided to play games instead of doing our normal Bible study. The first game we played was Taboo. The funniest part of Taboo was simply watching the guys interact. They gave each other the worst clues, yet somehow could still pull through with some decent guesses. Like Clint, who had a card that said "meteor," and he starts talking about Chicken Little and the sky falling. What the hell does Chicken Little have to do with a meteor?! And then later, Matt, who was still stuck on Clint's previous Chicken Little rant, went through all of this effort to get Clint to guess "Chicken Little," when his card actually said "Stuart Little." But Clint was so confused that he started guessing raccoons and flying squirrels. I don't know why, but that one still sends me in fits of giggles. Another funny part of the game was when Alana was trying to get me to guess some famous female athlete's name (shoot, I still don't remember her name--Mia something or another?), and she said her last name was the name of pig meat, so I said "sausage." I think it was actually Mia Ham. Hold on, now I have to go Google it....

Okay, I'm back. Yep, her name is actually "Mia Hamm" and she's a famous soccer player. I guess I can see how "Mia Sausage" would make Alana laugh so hard. Anyway, the girls wound up winning Taboo, no thanks to me--I am pretty lousy at giving out the clues. Luckily Alana rocks at that game.

After Taboo, we played "True Colors," which really had me cracking up. One question asked something to the effect of, "If you were an emperor and you had to have one player taste all of your food first to make sure it wasn't poisoned, which player would you choose?" The votes (and there's eight of them total) are supposed to be anonymous, but when all eight cards were flipped, four of them were for me, and four of them were for Clint. Apparently Matt and Alana, neither one of them wanting to "off" their own spouse, split their votes between me and Clint. Clint and I, on the other hand, used both of our votes on each other. When I saw the cards I was cracking up so hard. That completely backfired on me. I immediately screeched at Clint, "How could you off your own wife?!" which of course he exclaimed back, "Wait--you did the same to me!" It was so funny. Now that's love right there--when we agree on everything, including the decision to inflict poisonous food on each other.

Last week was insane, hence my neglected blog. Unfortunately I have one more week of mayhem and then I should return to a somewhat more normal routine. Last week I had to go through a last-minute panic to clear my credential, plus I was on-call to period sub, so I lost nearly all of my preps. Then over the weekend we had the Cigar dinner on Friday night (I'll try to post a pic soon), Elijah's music performance Saturday morning, Carey's Italian birthday party Saturday night, and my dad's birthday celebration on Sunday. I was (and still am) so exhausted after this weekend that I was almost eager to return back to work, although now I'm falling behind on grading, and somehow still need to get progress reports out.

Okay, I'm going to attempt to go to sleep now. Good luck me.

Mosh Pit 101

Last night was definitely an interesting evening! As I mentioned earlier, we had decided to go see our friend Dan perform at the Angel's Roadhouse, where he is the drummer for Mad Marge and the Stonecutters. They had a total of five bands play last night, and Dan's was the last one to perform.

I should start off by saying that this was NOT my preferred type of music, although Dan's band did a great job and was honestly the lesser of the evils. But the rest of the bands...Holy geez. I don't want to sound like an old grannie, but 90% of it sounded like nothing more than shrieking. This one band, for example, so very creatively named "KIL," played a song called "Fast Food," followed by a song titled "You," followed by a song called "I hate something or another" (can't remember what they hated), and they all sounded like the same exact song. Every now and then you could catch the F-word, but that was about it.

The most enlightening part of the evening was the mosh pit. I have apparently lived WAY too sheltered of a life, because I always thought a mosh pit was when a bunch of people got into a group and started head banging at the same time. You know, like when Bohemian Rhapsody gets to the climax of the song (right after "for me....for me....for ME...!") and everyone starts jiggling their heads and bodies aound like crazy...I thought THAT was moshing. So when a real-life mosh pit broke out about four feet from the table we were sitting at, I was looking around for security to show up to break up the "fight." It took a few moments for me to realize that these people weren't fighting, they were actually laughing and having a good time. They looked pretty silly, skipping around in circles and shoving anyone who came near them, but from a sociological standpoint, it was actually really fascinating to watch. I can see how for some people, participating in a mosh pit could be pretty cathartic.

Matt and Alana sat with us, and between sets Alana and I were able to have some really good "mini" conversations. I just love Alana--conversations between us come so easily. Felisa was with us most of the time as well, and I loved being able to hang out with her outside of our normal small group setting, although she did seem a bit edgy about being in that particular environment.  I think she associates this type of stuff with a lifestyle that she wants nothing to do with anymore, hence her discomfort.

Matt and I wound up sharing a pitcher of beer, but after eating a plate of hot wings and drinking some water, I felt pretty close to normal. Matt, on the other hand, had begun drinking much earlier in the night, and did wind up "under the influence." He jumped into the mosh pit for the last two or three songs sang by the Stonecutters, which was fun to watch, but he seemed unstable and I was worried that he was going to fall.  Next time our Bible study gets together, maybe we should go on a picnic or something instead. =)

Something else happened during the evening, and it's killing me because I can't talk about it. I replayed the incident in my head until nearly 3:00 a.m., thinking, "No, I must be wrong. This couldn't have actually happened...I must be misinterpreting it."  But it did happen, and now for the sake of that person, I will forget about it and move on.

Sleeping in the Closet

Clinton recently began sleeping in the closet on Saturdays and Sundays, which has really increased the quality of my weekends. He used to sleep in our bedroom (like the average human being), but it was difficult on both of us: For him because he struggles to sleep with daylight streaming in through the windows (even with the blinds shut), and for me because it has been nearly impossible to "get ready" in the mornings without disturbing his sleep. So he decided to move a mattress into our inordinately large walk-in closet ("inordinate" only because the master bedroom it is attached to is ridiculously puny) and try sleeping in there. Now he has a nice dark atmosphere to sleep in, and I can walk in and out of our bedroom during the mornings and get ready without disturbing him. It's working out pretty good so far, although I'll admit it was a bit strange telling the kids yesterday that "Daddy is asleep in the closet."

Yesterday was pleasant. In the morning I went to Target to go birthday shopping for my niece Cassidi, who just turned twelve, and for little Austin (Matt and Alana's son) who was turning four. I texted Sarah to see if she wanted to meet up with me, and she just happened to be in town with the kids, so we met at Target. I got through all of my shopping in about 15 minutes, so we decided to meet at the McD's across the street for lunch. I beat Sarah there and was waiting for what seemed like an eternity for her, and just when I started to feel little prickles of concern, she walked through the door looking somewhat bedraggled. It turns out that when she was backing out of the Target parking lot, her and another woman backed out at the same time and ran right into each other. I feel so awful for her...she's the type of person who can walk through a rose storm and come out smelling like crap (okay, I may have twisted that expression a bit). Once we were settled down with lunch, we dived into our usual long deep conversations. At one point she confessed to me a lie that she had told. She was so worried that I would be mad at her (even though the lie in question was never directed toward me, but to another party), but I actually felt quite the opposite--it took a lot of courage for her to divulge what she did and I only view her as refreshingly human.
After lunch, I went home, wrapped some presents (and by "wrapped" I mean "threw in bags"), and headed toward Matt and Alana's house for the birthday party. The party was a very relaxed backyard get-together.  They had a bounce house for the kids, and a pinata, which of course the kids loved (and now, with Halloween's loot, we have a mountain of candy so enormous that we will probably be handing it out to trick-or-treaters next year). Once it was dark, we talked around the fire-pit outside for a little while.  After once again visiting with Matt and Alana, I have determined that Matt was born in the wrong time period. He belongs in an era where he can be some sort of freedom-fighting renegade, going through underground channels with a bunch of others rebels to fight for justice.

Today I went to church by myself, which I didn't care for because this is only my third time at this particular church (we changed churches recently), and so a lot of people don't recognize the "newcomer" yet and were a little on the over-friendly side. The times I went with Clint, people reacted more normally with us, but for some reason, when I was by myself this morning, they had this false warmth about them. I know that makes no sense, but that was just my perception. The service was really good though, so overall I'm glad I didn't flake out.

This week I have completely neglected Moses because I had a lot of after-work responsibilities that ate up my whole week. I finally was able to take him on a walk this afternoon and he is back to dragging me on his leash. Arghhh. He also gulped down a slinky right when I let him into the house. Didn't even hesitate. I hate to think how that's going to look coming out the other side later.

Language Arts Night on Wednesday went great.  I had so many more parents then I imagined, and for a few nerve-wracking minutes I thought that I wouldn't have enough supplies, but I wound up with plenty. I decided to do the flipbooks and corresponding PowerPoint with my own students this week, just because they came out really cute and are great little tools for teaching parts of speech.

Stupid Emotional Girl

Last night we had our small group, and I got emotional during the discussion. I hate that. We've been in this group for eight months now, and for the entire duration I have never been anything other than upbeat. But last night I felt frustrated with Clint, and I couldn't seem to hide it.

It all started because the question was posed, "How did you meet your spouse and what first attracted you to him/her?" I know this sounds pathetic, but Clint never affirms me in front of people, and it is a constant source of contention between us. He takes such good care of me in the privacy of our home, but for some reason, he can't seem to ever say anything nice to me or about me in the presence of family and/or friends. So when this question came up, I felt a little excited to hear what he was going to say. All the other members had shared something nice about their spouse, and I figured that Clint would feel obliged to do the same. But when his turn came around, he said that "Our story is pretty boring. Jodi and I just always knew each other in high school." He didn't even address the second part of the question at all. I inwardly felt crushed by this...I don't know why I expected something more...you'd think after eleven years I'd learn. But for some reason I did expect more, and I just felt so crappy...and a little angry too. I felt like shouting "You coward! Oh, you're more than willing to 'love' your wife, but as long as no one else is watching. Heaven forbid you violate your tough man code by coming up with ONE damn attractive thing about me."

So for the rest of our Bible Study I held it together and smiled and laughed with everyone else. But then, toward the end, the women were asked to "share some general comments about how you feel loved." I tried to keep my comments as objective as possible as I shared that I thought giving a woman verbal affirmation and uplifting her in front of others is what makes her feel loved, but obviously I was describing myself and I got teary-eyed. I didn't actually cry, but it was just enough to make things really awkward and to embarrass the hell out of me.

So now I am seriously pissed off at myself. Why can't I just discuss things like an objective intellectual without getting all damn weepy? I hate it that my small group saw me doing this, and worse, I hate it that they know now that I am not entirely satisfied with my marriage. Especially since Clint is the leader of our group. As a couple, I think we're held to a higher standard and should be "the couple to look up to," not "the couple to pray for." Ughhh. The worst part is that I feel so selfish. Clinton is a wonderful husband. He is so sweet and thoughtful, he always wants to cuddle (even though I'm about as cuddly as a porcupine), he cooks, he helps me with the cleaning without complaining, he constantly does little acts of service to make my day easier or just to make me feel special. But here I am, hung up on some shallow need to be "talked up" in front of people. It drives me nuts--why can't I just appreciate what I have? I know several single females who would kill to have someone like Clinton.

We never did go to the Halloween party at the dojo last Friday. We never made the decision not to go, but the time for the party just sort of came and went, while we sat at home watching t.v. Ironically we put all of this energy into trying to decide whether we wanted to go or not, but our own exhaustion and laziness that Friday evening pretty much made the decision for us.

I am having such a difficult time sleeping. Last night I was still staring at the ceiling at 2:00 a.m., and I started to panic because this was going to be my second "all nighter" in a row. I can function okay at work with one missed night of sleep, but I can't do two in a row and still teach the next day with any quality. It's torture to be a walking zombie but to have to be in front of 108 students throughout the course of a day. So at 2:30 I finally crawled out of bed, made some sub plans, and put in an absence for today. It felt great not going to work today, but I also feel like a lazy slug. I had Clint swing by my work to grab a stack of papers for me to grade, but as of now I haven't graded anything. At this point I don't know if I will.