Have you ever seen Mike and Molly? I've always enjoyed the simplicity and light humor of the show (and the fact that the characters don't look like skinny models who stepped out of fashion magazines), but this most recent season has propelled me from somewhat enjoying the show to downright loving it. To understand why, watch this clip (it's only a minute long and completely worth it):
Oh my gosh you guys, she's a TEACHER (just like me), who feels stuck in an endless cycle of middle-aged drudgery (just like me) and decides, on a completely spontaneous whim, to quit her job and follow her dreams (just like me--okay, no--but just like I fantasize doing every other day). And it gets even crazier. As the season progresses, Molly decides to become a writer. A WRITER! She quits teaching to write. This woman, however fictional she may be, is my hero.
For the record, I do love my job. My school (aptly dubbed "the Ranch") is about as awesome as they come. I never wake up feeling like "Ugh, I have to go to work today." My school site is my second home, and I love stepping onto its friendly campus every morning. I love the quirkiness of my students. I love it that I get to be one of the people in their lives helping to guide them through the crazy and uncertain transition from childhood to adulthood.
But there's a certain dynamic to teaching that makes you feel like you're stuck in a rut. I've tried [unsuccessfully] so many times to explain in past blog posts this feeling...the feeling that I'm trapped in a really jacked up time loop (seriously, I've said it here, here, and even here...). Even the conflict within my MS is a time loop...gee, I wonder how my subconscious managed to dredge that one up. The thing is, every year I go through the same events and put up with the same dramas, and it feels so special and new to my students, but to me, it's the "same ole' same ole'." At the end of the year, they get to move on to bigger and brighter things, while I'm left to clean up my room and start all over again. Rinse and repeat. The faces change, the names change, but it's all the same. Year after year. When Molly states, "You guys only have fourth grade once, I have all of this for thirty more years," I don't think I've ever related more to a line on television.
Even better is when Molly asks the kids (who couldn't be more apathetic), "Do you ever just kinda stand back and look at your life and think 'This is not where I ought to be'?" Yes, Molly, yes! I have! I love my job, but I can feel it down to my core that I'm not in the right place. I wish I could be crazy like she is. I wish I had the guts to give up my stable, secure, pleasant job and trade it for something much more scary--something with no guarantees. No safety net. Writing. JUST writing.
But I can't. Or, I won't. I live here, in non-fiction land with bills to pay and expectations to meet, and where the fear of failure is too real. So for now I'll just continue to live vicariously through larger-than-life characters like Molly and fantasize about jumping out that window and never looking back.
I'll read this blog post tomorrow (when Feedburner would deliver it, and I'll be more in a contemplative mood) but just want to say I love the new look of your blog! The colors are pretty...and oceanic!
ReplyDeleteThanks Ifeoma! And I know what you mean by needing to be in a more contemplative mood. ;)
DeleteIt all starts one book at a time...so just write. ;)
ReplyDeleteSteve
Haha Steve--one book at a time isn't much consolation for someone like me who has taken THREE years (this summer) to finish one book. Couldn't you have humored my snail-ness and said "one word at a time" instead? ;-D
DeleteIt is hilarious, isn't it?! I love Mike and Molly, though I've never seen more than an episode here and there. I wonder if they're on Netflix?
ReplyDeleteI also feel your pain about teaching, though I've been doing it for far fewer years than have you. Let's see, in the last four years I've seen hundreds of freshman come and go, but when it comes time to prepare I'm doing the same ol' things semester after semester (or at least the similar old things). But I keep going back for more. I'm thinking when Matt and I move (maybe next year?) that I'll look for something else to do. Maybe a private sector job. I don't know.
Anyway, I know it's off topic, but I LOVE your new theme. It's really pretty, particularly the gradient title!
I'm not sure if they're on Netflix, but I agree--it's a cute show. I never really regarded the past seasons as laughing-my-butt-off funny, but I've always enjoyed the lighthearted plot lines. This new season has had me in stitches though!
DeleteI never considered how a college professor would be experiencing my same jacked-up time loop experience. Maybe part of it too is watching these kids (or, in your case, young adults) pass on through, always in the prime of their lives with so much opportunity in front of them. But meanwhile, we feel stagnant. I don't know--just a thought.
Thanks for the feedback on my blog theme! It was designed by Anna at Designer Blogs. The title font/gradient was single-handedly my reason for choosing this design.
It's strange for me, too, because I have a lot of students who don't actually pass on through. Most of them pass my class, but go on to drop or fail out of school. With an 18% graduation rate over 4 years (and only about 30% overall) the number of students who go on to graduate is fairly low. So I see a lot of young adults going through the motions, but many of them won't continue. Sadder still, many of them don't read well, let alone write well (frustrating for a composition instructor).
DeleteIt's a little different because with your students you know they'll graduate and go on to the next level. You may be stuck in the 7th grade forever, but your students won't be. I'm stuck in the freshman year of college where many students will never become sophomores.
Hey, maybe I can blame the weight I've been gaining over the last year or so on the eternal freshman 15! ;)
Wow, that is actually rather bleak. I mean, here I'm hung up on the fact that my kids all get to move on (while I remain stationary), never considering the idea that maybe I should be GLAD that they're moving on, and I was a part of that. To be stuck in the teaching time loop, but knowing that many of your students aren't going much further is a bit of an ouch. So now I have to say that you officially have it worse than me (and yes, it's a great scapegoat for those devious little pounds sneaking up on you)!
DeleteYou have to keep your day job right now to pay for my- oops, I mean YOUR pool!
ReplyDeleteI love your new template! It's light and airy and oceaney. :-)
Nice little Freudian slip there Sho!
Delete"Light and airy and oceaney" is EXACTLY what I was going for. And let me tell you, it is hard to find ocean templates that aren't, like, just a picture of an ocean.
I wholly believe that teaching is the most important job in the world, and it is *vastly* undervalued. If teachers & doctors had their salaries switched, I honestly think the world would be a better place. But I've never really taken the time to consider how it must feel, to have the same routine each year and see the students move on. I applaud you! Both for the teaching, and being unafraid to dream. I think that's the only combination (current reality + future dream) that makes life work. At least, in my experience so far :} I'm still working on the reality bit...
ReplyDelete"I think that's the only combination (current reality + future dream) that makes life work"...I love the way you put that Cheyenne. I remember my husband telling me last year that he actually felt a little jealous that I was reaching for a dream. I was confused, because it's kind of a slow torture wanting something so bad...why would anyone want that? But he explained that just the mere act of me reaching for something gave my life a layer that his didn't have. So I think you're onto something here. Dreams may be painful sometimes, but really, what are we without them?
DeleteOh, and thank you for valuing teachers. :-) We need more of you out there.
I guess everyone (or almost everyone) is stuck in a rut somehow. Doctors get to see patients over and over again with similar cases, their faces change but the prescriptions/surgery procedures etc might vary slightly but are inherently still the same, especially if you end up specializing in a field, as most people do. It is boring, that's a fact.
ReplyDeleteBut it's safe.
I hope one day we get to pay our bills by doing what we truly love.
First of all, our DoTs must be finished. :)
I do see your point. All jobs involve a certain amount of repetition. Like back when I was a waitress, I had to do the same thing every day: take orders, bring food, clear plates, etc. But the difference is, for teaching, every year, I go through an entire cycle of life with these kids that lasts for nearly a year. Then summer hits, they move on, and I start again. I don't know why this is different, it just feels that way. Maybe it's because I'm a whiney baby and I have to make my job seem like it has an extra layer of stuck-in-rut-ness than the average job. ;)
DeleteYes, we need to finish our DoTs. That's all there is to it. :)
True. I see your point now. It's the same faces for a year, not just different faces while doing the same thing. And then it feels like being left behind. Sort of like a time-loop.
Delete*looks into crystal ball* No worries, one day, you'll get out of it! <3