Opalista's Crummy Spider-Killing Skills

Elijah loves World of Warcraft, but he never really gets higher than a level 14.  At that point, once the quests start getting too hard for him, he just creates a new character and starts all over again.  I'm not into WOW, but he begged me the other day to create a new character so I could play with him.  I said "No, no, NO!" until he finally bribed me by offering to do some chores.  At last, I relented, and created Opalista, as seen here on the left, and her pet, Snookums (I like to give my WOW pets tough, ferocious names).  Now Elijah's current character, Bluebanshee, was already a level 10, so Opalista needed to catch up to him pretty fast.  I'm unmotivated, and again, not much into online gaming, so I talked Clint into leveling her up for me.

After awhile, Clint finally gets her up to a 9 or a 10.  I go into the office to see how he's doing, and find him happily killing spiders in a cave with the help of some centaur chick.  I sit down with him for a few minutes, when suddenly he realizes that it's time to leave for his fight class.  He passes the keyboard over to me and says "Here, finish this quest really quick."  I panic and tell him, "Oh no, no way.  I'll die."  He reassures me by saying, "No you won't.  It's really easy.  You just have to kill three more spiders and then the centaur will transport you out of the cave."

Okay, I can do this.  I do, after all, dabble in WOW once in awhile over summers when Clint twists my arm to play with him, and this is just a little tiny level 10 quest.  So Clint leaves, and I take over.  Three minutes later, I call his cellphone.

"What's up?" He asked.

"I died."

"What?!  How is that even possible?"

"I was shooting a spider, and it kept swaying back and forth, saying 'evade, evade,' so I moved in closer and fell down a pit."

See?  This is why I don't do online gaming.  In real life, if I want to kill a spider, I wouldn't end up falling into a pit and turning into some spooky little glowing orb searching for my own corpse.  Online gaming stresses me out.

That being said, I think I'll log in for a few minutes and take Shimmer, my level 21 night elf, out for a spin.  It's time for her to visit her poor, neglected, giant pet spider and killer moth anyway.  Fluffy and Flutterbye are probably hungry.

P.S.  If you are ever playing WOW and run into Opalista in the Shadowsong realm, there's a 50% chance that she's actually a dude.