The problem is, I have been avoiding any thoughts of school for months now. My last class was finished last year, so it was really easy to mentally sweep the whole thing under the rug. The avoidance thing was working pretty well until my clinical supervisor approached me last week and happily informed me that I had completed the required 1,500 intern hours as of May. I should have been elated, but my first thought was...CRAP. I haven't touched my dissertation in months, and I'm...NOT READY.
So when I started looking into my graduation requirements, it was an abrasive reminder that I still HAVE to finish this damn degree. My last intern unit ends August 19th, and I have to immerse myself in this school stuff again. It's SO hard, because my brain is done, but the degree isn't. This little discrepancy is causing me a lot of grief.
Anyway, when I was hit with this wave of anxiety, I feel like I handled it okay. I utilized three coping strategies to help me get through it. 2/3 of them are a little...questionable.
1) I frantically gulped down a glass of white wine.
2) I reminded myself this is self chosen stress. I CHOSE to go for another freakin' degree. Some people are slammed with stress due to circumstances beyond their control, such as illness, loss of job, etc. My stress is related to self actualization purposes, and it seems retarded to allow myself to drown in the anxiety when some people have REAL problems.
3) I clicked on Google Images and typed "Rednecks" (not sure what compelled me to do this). Here are some of my favorites:
After looking at these pictures, how could I take anything seriously? :)
P.S My little three legged Dusty is doing really good. She still has a terrible limp, but she is a happy, playful little thing. She gets her sutures and the cone collar removed in five days. Jeremy told my parents two days ago that he is glad we spent all the $$$ to save her. This was music to my ears.
You know, next time I'm freaking out about something I brought on myself--like college--I'm going to try that whole remind myself this is my fault business. I'm not sure it would work for me, but I'd be willing to give it a shot!
ReplyDeleteGood luck defending your dissertation. I have to defend my thesis this month... like, sometime in the next few weeks, and I am FREAKING out. I don't know that I can sit in inquisition for an hour and a half without completely melting down or bursting into tears, or some combination there of.
So glad to hear Dusty's doing well. She's a trooper!
Kristyn, the self-chosen thing worked in THAT moment...we'll see if it works the next time I'm pulling my hair out! (It's a coin flip!)
ReplyDeleteCongrats on your thesis! I think you will do great during your defense. I dont think the committee is there to try and trip you up or give you trick questions. They just want to see that you know your topic. And trust me, you DO. You have been immersed in it so long, you will have no problem rattling on about it. And you know WAY more about your topic than they do! If you can get through your fears of teaching a class, you can certainly talk about a topic you have written over a 100 pages on!
Thanks for the nice words for my Dusty.
That's some great advice you gave Kristyn! Maybe you should do the same. You know your topic. Etter than anyone else. Besides if I remember correctly you always produce "A" work when you are under pressure! I know you will do fine!
ReplyDeleteThanks Jewels! If only I could practice what I preach. (BTW, you have a good memory!)
ReplyDeleteI have an excellent memory! Some of my favorite are rushing to finish my papers at your house because I didn't have a computer and you did. I remember us all handwriting the papers and then typing them into the computer and printing them up. It was the only time your parents would let me stay the night when you were grounded lol! Ahh good times :)
ReplyDeleteI've decided my life's ambition is to be a redneck. They just embrace life way more than us so-called dignified people do. :-D
ReplyDeleteJewels, was it a computer or typewriter? Because I don't remember having a computer until after I was married! (I think we had an electric typewriter though). Jodi, me too!
ReplyDeleteShan, we had a computer in the house by Timberlane Park. Grandpa gave it to us when he got a newer model. It was in the family room, against the wall to the left of the garage door. Remember? It was old school (floppy disks, no internet, etc.), and printed out pages that had to be torn apart. And yes--Jewls was there several late nights working on papers. I too spent MANY late nights on that thing, although a lot of times I would go to Clint's house whenever I wanted a nice, modern computer to work on that actually printed out in different colors/fonts.
ReplyDeleteWe were even able to play Sleuth on that computer! Come on--I KNOW you remember Sleuth. "The murderer is growing suspicious of your investigation!" Or "The murderer is now stalking you!" That one always gave me chills. LOL. I still wish I could figure out the room the crime was committed in.
Ahhhh memories. Okay, I'm rambling, I'm trying to avoid cleaning the bathroom.
RIGHT of garage door. Not left.
ReplyDeleteThe memory is vague, but I'm pretty sure it was a computer. I recall the very loud printer with the spiral edges we had to tear away and the huge computer screen with the green characters and the blinking cursor.
ReplyDeleteWow, there must be a hole in my brain, because I don't remember having that computer in our family room! I remember the piano, antique barber chair, and cheap vertical blinds...but not the computer! I believe you guys though! And Jo, of course I remember Sleuth! (I only remember playing it in Silver Lakes though). It still irritates me that we never figured out HOW to figure out the room where the murder took place.
ReplyDeleteJo, I DO clearly remember the computer you are talking about. It was that old Tandy. No Windows....you had to put the "DOS" disc in first, then insert a different floppy disc for the game/program. We also played "Dig Dug," "Frogger," "Monopoly"...etc...I just don't remember having it in our Timberlane house, which is really weird...I should remember that!
ReplyDeleteMaybe using that old piece of crap computer at our house was so awful that you have mentally blocked it from your memory. ;)
ReplyDelete