I'm beginning to feel bitter toward my blog, but not in an extreme way where I'm going to wipe the whole thing out and give up on it. Just in a small, frustrated way. It's the same old dilemma as always. I simply can't write what I really want to say. I still remember my first few blog entries in which no one knew that my blog existed. I loved that feeling of being able to purge myself freely on a screen that no one else would ever read. It truly was an online journal. But now, those truly "purging" entries have long been deleted, and I have at least a dozen unpublished blog entries that I will never have the guts to post. I used to write about things that mattered to me, but now I'm reduced to writing quaint, generic little pieces on teaching and life, for fear of offending someone or saying the wrong thing.
Most of this is my own fault. I went awhile where I thought I wanted my blog to be read, so I allowed it to be discovered through avenues such as Twitter and facebook. After all, words that never get read is like art that never gets gazed upon...what's the purpose? But now I am regretting this. I miss the innate value of writing just to write, and I feel fake when I'm writing for the benefit of others. I'm not sure what the solution to this is. Yesterday I removed publication rights to Networked Blogs, deciding that it definitely wasn't for me. I also took some other steps to pull back that I won't detail here, and overall, I guess I do feel a little bit better. I still wish though that I could completely and utterly spill out what I really want to say. I don't know...an anonymous blog is sounding more and more appealing every day. Or maybe I just need to go back to old school and take up journal-writing again. The kind you do on real pages.
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PGP if you really wanted digital privacy for a simple thing like a journal. I've had its encryption on every computer I've ever owned. These last years it has been a bit more difficult to download but its always worth it.
ReplyDeleteNothing will ever beat a written one though.
Just so you know, I read this. LOL
ReplyDeleteYou know this, but I TOTALLY know how you feel.:)
I understand where you're coming from, Jodi. Shan talking about anonymity has me wishing I had a bit. I'm resigned to the fact that I can't be anon, I'm way too out there. It's a road you simply cannot turn back from, once you've gotten out to a certain point. Reminds me of the old adage about sea voyages and not sailing past half the water supply, lest you be stranded and unable to turn back. That's where I am, I've traveled well past half my water supply, might as well keep sailing forward. :)
ReplyDeleteJodi,
ReplyDeleteI get it too. Typing is so much easier than actually writing a journal... I remember way back in the day when we all had journals. They were our santuary when we had bad days. Then once it was discovered, it seemed like a futile effort to continue writing and try to find places where it wouldn't be discovered. There was ALWAYS the fear of your words about so and so, who just happened to piss you off that day, being discovered. And now we fear that if we put it in our blogs someone will demand that we remove it. So in essence there is no benefit to the blog if everyone reads it... there are online writing clubs that you can choose to publish to the public or keep to your self. Or, like my loving husband (who sometimes pisses me off) said, PGP will encrypt your writing without publishing it online. Only you will have the password and you decide who has the privilage of reading your work of art! Love you!
Jewls
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ReplyDeleteGREAT, Shan. Now that I know you're reading this, I'll never be able to say what I want to say. LOL
ReplyDeleteKristyn, I'm glad you keep sailing forward, because as you know already, I am always a devoted fan. :)
Perry and Jewls, thanks for the tip about PGP. I will never give up my blog completely, but I think I will actually look into PGP as a venue for more personal writing. And I completely agree Julie, typing is SO much easier than writing, plus writing seems so...insecure. I still have twelve journals floating around from high school, and every now and then I want to burn them, because of the fact that there is a lot of incriminating stuff about Clint within those pages. But Clint, ironically, tells me to keep them, because for better or for worse, they are a part of our history. But still...I just don't like having physical journals drifting around that anyone can pick up and read.
Thanks again for your insight Jewls, and I love you right back hon! XO
Here is the link for trial software.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.pgp.com/downloads/desktoptrial/desktoptrial2.html
You get full capacity for 30 days and then it limits to just some basics. The basic file encryption is what I use 995 of the time. I could use other functions but no one I communicate with uses it too.
You can also wikipedia it just to see the background. PGP came about from a software guy who wrote it to sell it as a product, and when the NSA found out they told him he couldn't release it because they wouln't be able to read everyone's email anymore, this guy released it for free.
Anywho..take a look. hit me w/ any questions.
Oh, and honey...reow!
Thanks for the info Ryan! I'll get started with it this weekend and let you know if I have any questions.
ReplyDelete~Jodi